The Specter of the Mold Needs Smashing

So let's get to work

I’ve never been comfortable writing about myself. I’d rather create copy for a brand, or spin up wild stories and characters. Plenty of “me” still comes through in these formats, but it’s not me me, if you know what I mean. This is why personal emails are one of the most challenging things I write. Newsletters aren’t far behind.

“Be yourself,” is some of the most ubiquitous advice to get handed out these days. Maybe you’re nervous about a presentation. Maybe you’re going to a party where you don’t know anyone. Maybe you’re a small child on the first day of kindergarten. “Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself.”

I’ve seen therapists on TikTok (shut up) say one of their biggest struggles is getting patients to extend themselves a level of grace and accept their own worth. Many of us build this idea of who we’re supposed to be, and it’s always someone smarter, more graceful, and in possession of more skills.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” – Carl Jung, The Psychology of the Unconscious

photo by writer

I read Leslie Jones’ memoir recently, because I’ve always envied the unapologetic way she lives her life and performs her comedy. She’s bold, she’s unafraid of being messy, and she insists on her value. The entertainment industry, which keeps plenty of molds lying around, couldn’t cram her into one, because she’s too much herself to fit. That’s pretty neat.

In my choreography days, I found I liked working with certain dancers that other choreographers avoided. These dancers possessed great technique and excellent work ethics, but something about their styles didn’t blend easily. They couldn’t conform, even when they tried. But, they collaborated beautifully, because they knew exactly who they were, and brought a strong voice to the studio. And, they broke me out of my comfort zone, because the material I built had to be for them. I couldn’t make stuff that only looked good on my body.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of building a mold and then trapping ourselves inside it. Life’s simpler with a roadmap or a model. Showing up as ourselves is more work and it requires more bravery.

But, as choreographer Martha Graham said, “There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.”

Thanks for reading,

~Sarah

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Stuff I Wrote

(ungated links)

Return to the Ruined Garden

I meet my old friend at the entrance to the garden, each of us startled to see the other looking like a legitimate adult. We wear wool suits, the uniform of those who know exactly what they’re doing, carefully pressed, and with gray ties tucked beneath white collars. The last time we saw each other, we sported stained t-shirts and cutoff shorts, our skinned knees flashing the world.

Dear Tenant, Please Remove the Dragon From Your Apartment

203, We have been informed that there is an unregistered dog residing in your unit. All dogs must be approved by management. Please provide the following information asap: Dog name, Dog breed, Dog gender, Dog age. We also require a copy of the vaccination records for your dog, and there’s a $125 monthly surcharge for keeping a pet in your apartment. —Management

I Cleared Out My Medium Reading List and Now I’m Immortal

Reading lists on Medium serve a specific function. “Of course they do,” you’re thinking. “Reading lists allow us to bookmark interesting stories, so we can read them later.” Aw, my sweet summer sassafras. That’s not what a reading list does — Medium created this feature to ease your conscience. It allows you to pretend you’ll get around to reading that thought-provoking article on the social dynamics of squids and scallops.

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