Rejection Sensitivity Tango
Failure is icky... so what do you do?
Maybe you’re familiar with the feeling. It’s a spiraling suspicion that you’re no good, bland and worthless, and you should give up and pivot into becoming a professional mugger, because muggers don’t get rejected, unless they’re really bad at mugging.
(Funny story—one of my friends was once approached by a mysterious figure who said, “I’d like to mug you, please.” My friend responded, “No, thank you.” The mugger accepted the denial with grace, but it likely had a negative impact on his self esteem. This is the type of mugger I would be.)
Unfortunately, the only way to avoid rejection is to not try things, an approach that isn’t compatible with the creative lifestyle. Success requires resilience, because the likelihood of knocking it out of the park on the first try is slim. And, even if you do manage to pull that impossibility off, your next time at bat could be a different story. You might drop your bat, or get mud on your cute baseball pants. (Where did all these sports analogies come from? WHO AM I?)
Resilience doesn’t mean it doesn’t keep hurting every time someone says no. It means you don’t let the pain make you smaller, or stop you from going after what you want.
Some Helpful (?) Tips
I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert at this. Sometimes I let the fear of rejection chase me off the metaphorical dance floor. I’m still searching for ways to build courage, take risks, and be a little messy. These are a few of the things I tell myself:
Perfection is boring. I don’t want to be perfect. No one should want to be perfect. An ambitious failure is always more interesting than a project that played it safe. Creativity happens when people go for the moonshot—when they scheme bigger than seems reasonable.
Celebrate attempts as wins. I can’t control whether a publication picks one of my short stories. But, I can control whether or not I send that short story in for consideration. Submitting is a win for me, because I ignored all the voices in my head that said I’m probably not good enough.
Try to find the humor in the situation. Life is kinda absurd, and finding the joke in a hard situation is a great way to relieve pressure and gain perspective.
The internet also suggests:
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings, and take a little time to grieve what you’ve lost before moving on.
Focusing on what you’d like to achieve, rather than the feelings you’re hoping to avoid.
Rejection hasn't stopped hurting, but I’m still here, and I’m still tango-ing my little heart out, so that’s gotta mean something. I hope to see you on the dance floor.
Thanks for reading,
~Sarah
Stuff I Wrote
(ungated links)
Why You Need to Start Working on Your Perfect Summer Bod Today
Because long sunny days are right around the corner, the moment to begin constructing your perfect summer bod is now. You’ll want to look transcendent in your flip flops and cut-off shorts. Otherwise, when the horns of the deep blow, and the humans of our village are called forth to present themselves for his inspection, Poseidon will not be pleased.
A Zombie’s Guide to Death, Destruction, and Happiness in the Emerald City
Are you a prowling corpse looking to relocate? I recommend casting your empty eye sockets on the home of pickle ball, grumpy music, and uncomfortably-shaped shellfish. Under the right circumstances, Seattle can be a zombie playland. Here’s how to make it yours.
Questions Regarding the Emperor Currently Walking Down the Street Naked
Is this what we’re doing now? I’ll admit that I skimmed the imperial newsletter, and it’s possible I missed some key information. Did the Magister announce that full-frontal would be de rigor for summer? Did the Grand Physician proclaim that skin cancer is on the rise, and we’ve all been enlisted into eyeballing the Emperor’s moles for irregularities?
I excel at imperfection.